Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Do you ever catch yourself repeatedly saying something negative about or to yourself? Like an internal dialogue where you tell yourself a lie? When I was in high school and college, it was "people will never want to be friends with me..." When I was single and starting my career, it was along the lines of "if I (fill in the blank) I'll never get married." Once I got married it became "because of (fill in the blank), I'm a terrible wife." And now, just 10 weeks into motherhood I find myself saying, "I'm a bad mommy."
On Friday, I caught myself saying the words "I'm a bad mommy" out loud to the dog. He sat there, wagging his tail needing to go outside. The fact that I'd been home for 40 minutes and spent that time making a quick sandwich for myself, then changed and fed Maggie, while overlooking the dog's apparent need did not make me a bad mom.
After I said the words aloud, I paused thinking back to a conversation I'd had with a friend just hours earlier: I need to stop looking around at other's situations. Comparison can be dangerous.
She spoke loving words of how this season, even though it may seem like I'm the only one in a certain boat, would be remembered as a sweet chapter. I'm learning how to be a mom. My husband and I are figuring out parenting together. We have a healthy baby girl and there is so much joy to be found in this season of change.
Looking back, it seems no matter the season, I've told myself I don't measure up. And that is the problem, I compare myself to others in my life stage.
I am thankful for a friend who reminded me to focus on my little girl and growing family, rather than looking around at the other new moms. I need to give myself grace in this season of transition (I knew my word of the year would be fitting). I probably won't do things "right" the first time. I will forget to let the dog out. I might not return emails or phone messages promptly. But grace abounds...even for weary new moms.
((Read my other grace blog posts here and here.))
P.S. Have you entered to win your own soy candle?