Loosening my grip on the calendar

For as long as I can remember, I've loved the calendar. I looked forward to getting a new planner with the start of each school year. There seemed to be so much promise in the blank pages that awaited my handwriting to mark down all the important dates. I'd get so much satisfaction out of writing down family member's birthdays on the calendar that hung in my bedroom. There was also a season of color coding my planner (I think that was in high school).

For years, I lived life by looking ahead at my calendar, always focused on the next date or series of days I looked forward to. And they were all very worthy dates to anticipate with excitement: graduations, new jobs, our wedding and then our due date.

The funny thing about due dates is that they don't guarantee the baby's arrival. Ours came and went without the little one's debut. When she came, just days after her due date it seemed as though the calendar and my schedule didn't matter so much anymore.

My schedule was now this baby's schedule. This new little person, weighing less than ten pounds was dictating my time. I could only sleep or get things done once she was taken care of (read fed, changed and happy).

Thanks to the first six weeks of motherhood, I've had a different view of the calendar, realizing it is not as important as I once thought. With fresh (though not always well rested) eyes, I now see how the calendar/my schedule has been an idol for me. It has gotten in the way of enjoying each day on its own as a gift from God.

Last weekend, a friend asked me if in my new role as a parent I felt like I was missing out on fun. I smiled and genuinely told him, "I'm not missing out anything. It's funny how content you can be just staring at your child sometimes."

I'm certainly not swearing off calendars as a new mom. There are still appointments to keep and birthdays to track (actually more appointments/birthdays with the addition of a family member). I am just thankful for this new perspective and the chance to loosen my grip on my schedule while I'm on maternity leave, as I seek to enjoy each moment rather than being focused on what's next.