a mother's journal

I've written about my mother before. She passed away when I was twenty years old, a time that would shake any young woman. One thing that I've dreaded since her passing (in some ways) is the time that I become a mother.

As that time draws closer, I am grateful for the chance to mature over the years. I still miss her dearly; no one will ever replace my mom. There are days I want nothing more than pick up the phone and ask her a pregnancy related question or drag her along shopping for maternity clothes.

I may not be able to call her, but I have a journal she kept during her pregnancy with me. It was fairly simple, but she kept notes in a day planner and many of those notes chronicle her first pregnancy.

Having the journal has inspired me to keep a journal too. It's a simple lined notebook, but I'm doing my best to write something weekly (or every other week) about my pregnancy and things that are happening in our lives.

I love reading about the many relatives my parents had visit them while she was pregnant with me. My dad was in the Air Force and they were stationed in Florida, so they were a sort of destination for visitors. It's so fun to think about my parents at that young stage of life, anticipating parenthood.

The pink book (shown above) is a fill-in-the-blank type book to chronicle dates, weights, and more throughout pregnancy. Even though it's more than three decades old, we still tend to track the same things in 2013, though I find myself looking up stats on the app on my phone and recording stats on this blog.

The Polaroid (above) was taken by my grandmother on the first night they brought me home from the hospital. Isn't it sweet? You can see how she wrote a lot more the week I was born ;-)

As I read the words penned by my sweet mom, I am comforted and reminded the fears and anxieties I experience are not crazy but pretty normal for a first time mother. I know she cried out to our heavenly Father for grace, peace and wisdom just as I do (and will keep doing every day of this life). Just reading her words and seeing her handwriting encourages me on those days I have doubts about my abilities as a mother. I have to remind myself, I learned from the best.

Do you keep a journal?

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